It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
