I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
