Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(863): View more from Florida

haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people

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(863): haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people http://tfl.nu/1coi

Replies (52) Good night (1664) Bad night (1403)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.

(1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.

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(717):Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine. (1-717):That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with. http://tfl.nu/pv3h

Replies (17) Good night (4041) Bad night (603)
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(845): View more from New York

I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.

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(845): I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point. http://tfl.nu/3ngc

Replies (19) Good night (1249) Bad night (3386)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.

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(401): I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me. http://tfl.nu/vovs

Replies (32) Good night (1202) Bad night (3916)
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(571): View more from Virginia

You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.

(202): View more from Washington, DC

Darwin at his finest.

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(571): You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg. (202): Darwin at his finest. http://tfl.nu/rqsd

Replies (25) Good night (5873) Bad night (1218)
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(253): View more from Washington

Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.

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(253): Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me. http://tfl.nu/6zni

Replies (28) Good night (1863) Bad night (5459)
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(303): View more from Colorado

you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..

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(303): you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing.. http://tfl.nu/daro

Replies (6) Good night (896) Bad night (3128)
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(206): View more from Washington

I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.

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(206): I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve. http://tfl.nu/axt4

Replies (1) Good night (2181) Bad night (749)
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(734): View more from Michigan

I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

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(734): I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. http://tfl.nu/46aj

Replies (5) Good night (1939) Bad night (1121)
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(913): View more from Kansas

You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.

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(913): You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes. http://tfl.nu/5pct

Replies (6) Good night (2680) Bad night (623)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?

(315): View more from New York

Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.

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(202): Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse? (315): Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance. http://tfl.nu/q51f

Replies (2) Good night (876) Bad night (318)
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(713): View more from Texas

I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?

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(713): I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla? http://tfl.nu/e5jq

Replies (8) Good night (1251) Bad night (260)
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(812): View more from Indiana

Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.

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(812): Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers. http://tfl.nu/ldne

Replies (2) Good night (802) Bad night (310)
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(231): View more from Michigan

Is this a drinking picnic?

(701): View more from North Dakota

Is there another kind?

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(231): Is this a drinking picnic? (701): Is there another kind? http://tfl.nu/hhhs

Replies (3) Good night (981) Bad night (312)
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(+61): View more from Australia

No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.

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(+61): No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender. http://tfl.nu/14lt

Replies (1) Good night (368) Bad night (331)

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