On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
