I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
