was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
