You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I need water and some morals
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
