It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
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Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
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You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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