Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
