Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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