she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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