We're like a lot better than the average bears
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
