Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I wish you could order shots online.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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