Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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