is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
