there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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