You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
