So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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