At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
