He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
