So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
