There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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