ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
