if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
