I hope my margaritas pass through security.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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