ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
