I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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