it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
