whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
