Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
