Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
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Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
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Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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