if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
