He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
