the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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