We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
