i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize