Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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