So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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