life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
this is an emotional support booty call
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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