Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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