Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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