party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
