Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just cropdusted the office
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
