3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
