I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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