i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
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