Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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