real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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