Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize