my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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