He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
