it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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