if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
