I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
