Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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