Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
