Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
