I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
