Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
