My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
