I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
