I bet he comes in French.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
