Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
