If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
