addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
