i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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