i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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