So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
