It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
