Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Vodka?
Forever.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
