You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
