i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
