38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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