woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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