i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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