I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
