using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
