Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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