I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
