BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
