Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
