yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
