I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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